Sunday, April 1, 2012

Divided we Stand


Now that the wedding season is over, it is time to pack up my cupboard and air it next year at the same time. Frankly my wardrobe has been growing and I have never enjoyed shopping more than this time of the year, year after year. I have shopped in unexplored territory with lot of patience and expectations to get the best deal. From South Extension to Santushti Complex and from Lajpat Nagar to Connaught Place. It was a great time I had with a close friend who is a die hard shopaholic. The sprawling malls of Delhi with Stya Paul stores were all explored and we finally settled on one affordable designer label called Meena Baazar. Like all big happy families and their share of feuds, unhappily separated -many Meena Baazars opened up in the city. Veterans like us could recognize the genuine Meena baazar store. But many times I have seen that this family feud has created many similar situations where the shop/store is divided into two or three or four making it narrower and narrower, depending on the number of siblings. In Greater Kailash we have identical twin store called The Morning Store with ushers rushing you in the 'original store'. My husband, Vivek, being the only son has everything his parents have and never really had to share his toys or books with another sibling much to the jealousy of his cousins who completely believed in community living, well that's another story!!. His cousin who has an elder brother once told him how different it is when you have somebody to share  and grab your things all your life. Vivek, then decided that he would never visit or patronize a store which has been divided in such a manner. In our home town, our family jeweler had a huge store founded by the father and his three sons, after the death of the father the three sons have partitioned the shop three ways and  have called it the 'Original shop', the 'middle shop' and the 'new shop'. Nothing can be so ridiculous.  We gradually shifted our mindsets from family jewelers to branded Tanishq jewelry. Another very sensible store, called 'The Button Shop' parted ways and spawned with clones of the same name called 'The new Button Shop; and 'The Original Button Shop'. It was a quaint little store which repaired zips, had many colorful buttons and had beautiful laces. Now the stores to make their presence more novel have diversified into selling cosmetics and trinkets. Strangely, both the brothers' wives rule the store now. I am not suggesting anything here!! The shops were such narrow corridors that it was hard to queeze in and squeeze out!!  Two other stores, one a stationery shop called Jugal Kishore, was partitioned in three ways, now it has finally been sold off to a multi national brand of clothing. The three brothers and their sour faced wives sat there competing with the other two and not talking to each other. Their father Lala Jugal Kishore was a leading philanthropist in the city and very well respected. The famous Elloras Bakery also faced the same fate. Vivek is quite disturbed with such development took our two boys on an excursion to these many shops in Dehradun to show them what happens when children fight. Sometimes he would shame these shop keepers, by pointing to the boys never to fight like this, loudly in front of them. This excursion was a long trip to bakery stores, saree shops, stationery shops and even traditional Mithai stores.

Is it the family values are depleting fast or just plain simple greed? The disintegration of the joint families to nuclear families and the 'only me' culture is all leading to a fast growth of urban nightmare with malls and franchises and huge departmental stores. You do not have the friendly neighborhood grocer or the family jeweler who knew if you had guests in the house or a wedding coming up. Now the impersonal, non intrusive multi-national jeweler or the young woman who ushers you in at the unbelievable hyper mall will smile leading you to the best deals. The only loyalty programs they have is the discount cards and special offer alerts on your mobile which is much unsolicited. The history of such acrimonious family feuds and partitions is not just related to middle class families but business houses like the Ambani brothers just after their father died.

Just a thought - my grandfather, D Ramanna, a leading businessman in Mumbai, an entrepreneur, was a far sighted person.  He had three sons who were brought up with very strong family values. Nevertheless, my grandfather made sure that each of them had their own enterprises in different domains, with the same family name banner - manufacturing, exports and special interest machinery. I guess it all depends on how the parents sort these issues, before equations change, perceptions and priorities change over time and it is best to foresee issues such as these rather than feel happy and think that your children will never fight, a fools paradise when hell comes crashing down and one does not even have space to turn in their graves!! I wish all parents and patriarchs have such foresight as my grandfather D Ramanna.

In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.
Lao Tzu