Divided we Stand

Now that the wedding season is over, it is time to pack up my cupboard and air it next year at the same time. Frankly my wardrobe has been growing and I have never enjoyed shopping more than this time of the year, year after year. I have shopped in unexplored territory with lot of patience and expectations to get the best deal. From South Extension to Santushti Complex and from Lajpat Nagar to Connaught Place. It was a great time I had with a close friend who is a die hard shopaholic. The sprawling malls of Delhi with Stya Paul stores were all explored and we finally settled on one affordable designer label called Meena Baazar. Like all big happy families and their share of feuds, unhappily separated -many Meena Baazars opened up in the city. Veterans like us could recognize the genuine Meena baazar store. But many times I have seen that this family feud has created many similar situations where the shop/store is divided into two or three or four making it narrower and narrower, depending on the number of siblings. In Greater Kailash we have identical twin store called The Morning Store with ushers rushing you in the 'original store'. My husband, Vivek, being the only son has everything his parents have and never really had to share his toys or books with another sibling much to the jealousy of his cousins who completely believed in community living, well that's another story!!. His cousin who has an elder brother once told him how different it is when you have somebody to share  and grab your things all your life. Vivek, then decided that he would never visit or patronize a store which has been divided in such a manner. In our home town, our family jeweler had a huge store founded by the father and his three sons, after the death of the father the three sons have partitioned the shop three ways and  have called it the 'Original shop', the 'middle shop' and the 'new shop'. Nothing can be so ridiculous.  We gradually shifted our mindsets from family jewelers to branded Tanishq jewelry. Another very sensible store, called 'The Button Shop' parted ways and spawned with clones of the same name called 'The new Button Shop; and 'The Original Button Shop'. It was a quaint little store which repaired zips, had many colorful buttons and had beautiful laces. Now the stores to make their presence more novel have diversified into selling cosmetics and trinkets. Strangely, both the brothers' wives rule the store now. I am not suggesting anything here!! The shops were such narrow corridors that it was hard to queeze in and squeeze out!!  Two other stores, one a stationery shop called Jugal Kishore, was partitioned in three ways, now it has finally been sold off to a multi national brand of clothing. The three brothers and their sour faced wives sat there competing with the other two and not talking to each other. Their father Lala Jugal Kishore was a leading philanthropist in the city and very well respected. The famous Elloras Bakery also faced the same fate. Vivek is quite disturbed with such development took our two boys on an excursion to these many shops in Dehradun to show them what happens when children fight. Sometimes he would shame these shop keepers, by pointing to the boys never to fight like this, loudly in front of them. This excursion was a long trip to bakery stores, saree shops, stationery shops and even traditional Mithai stores.

Is it the family values are depleting fast or just plain simple greed? The disintegration of the joint families to nuclear families and the 'only me' culture is all leading to a fast growth of urban nightmare with malls and franchises and huge departmental stores. You do not have the friendly neighborhood grocer or the family jeweler who knew if you had guests in the house or a wedding coming up. Now the impersonal, non intrusive multi-national jeweler or the young woman who ushers you in at the unbelievable hyper mall will smile leading you to the best deals. The only loyalty programs they have is the discount cards and special offer alerts on your mobile which is much unsolicited. The history of such acrimonious family feuds and partitions is not just related to middle class families but business houses like the Ambani brothers just after their father died.

Just a thought - my grandfather, D Ramanna, a leading businessman in Mumbai, an entrepreneur, was a far sighted person.  He had three sons who were brought up with very strong family values. Nevertheless, my grandfather made sure that each of them had their own enterprises in different domains, with the same family name banner - manufacturing, exports and special interest machinery. I guess it all depends on how the parents sort these issues, before equations change, perceptions and priorities change over time and it is best to foresee issues such as these rather than feel happy and think that your children will never fight, a fools paradise when hell comes crashing down and one does not even have space to turn in their graves!! I wish all parents and patriarchs have such foresight as my grandfather D Ramanna.

In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don't try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.
Lao Tzu

Paradox

Alaknanda Market is one of the most happening markets and one of my usual haunts to pick up my  grocery and stuff I use for everyday needs. Since it has been almost 25years since I have been coming here, most of the shop keepers are known to me and unlike the huge department stores in malls with sales persons with plastic smiles and ready assistance, these are real people with warm smiles, who chat with you and know your family and instantly hand you what brands you use. They tolerate our tantrums and enjoy the haggling, making us feel like kings and queens in our domains!

There is a small jewelry shop in one corner of the market square. A cosy little shop with gold and silver jewelry. Most of my presents for weddings and birthdays have been bought here. The owner of this store is Vipin, a very polite man who has his shop full of women all the time. To squeeze into his store and browse is next to impossible, you need to make up your mind before you come here and ask for exactly what you want! Years back when my husband and I had a rare chance to chat with him and he said he was a great devotee of Shani.

Shani, ruled by the planet Saturn and Saturday being the day of Shani, he is worshiped on every Saturday. Being the Lord of deliverance, he grants us our wishes and imparts appropriate punishment according to our deeds - both good and bad. Shani is the elder brother of Yama, the God of death and sons of Surya the Sun. Yama, keeps records of our Karma from many lifetimes. The color of Shani is black and is mounted on a crow. While Yama, rides a buffalo and his color is red.

Vipin got a lot of small booklets of the Shani Chalisa printed to give to his customers. This book tells you how to appease this dark god of deliverance. I think I have it somewhere too! It so happened that he and his younger brother worked together once, separated as partners and worked from different shops but in the same market. It is surprising that Vipin has a prospering business and he is short of time, shop assistants who are always busy and order books full and overflowing. I am reminded of the message on the call center toll free numbers which make you wait for hours - saying " Please hold the line, your call is important to us, all our call center representatives are busy attending to other customers right now and will be with you shortly"!! On the other corner of the market is his brother Raman, another polite man always soliciting business from his brother's customers and sometimes quite a pain trying to brush him off! Curious, we asked Vipin, that rare day when we started to chat with him, what gets him his customers and their goodwill? Of course he gave all credit to his reigning god Shani, but also said something I am unlikely to ever forget. He said he readily gave his brother the money to set up shop where ever he wanted and in that process also was conned of 12,00,000 rupees from a fly by night operator on a saving scheme. That period, was financially very tough for him. We clicked our tongues in sympathy and sympathized with him on his losses. He said that the words of wisdom from the Gita always made him strong and never repent and curse your Karma OR curse the person who wronged you. But why, isn't it human to curse and badmouth that person? we asked. He said - " What I have lost was never mine and what I rightly deserve will never be taken from me, so why should I fret?" This opened our minds to clear a lot of the misgivings we had towards people, situations and circumstances. We have choices in our lives which we make consciously, so the consequence is also our own. We should remember that we have to live with these choices for the rest of our lives. So let us make right choices and not trample over others while doing so because we know what goes around comes around!! Thanks Vipin, for these words of wisdom!

Now let me tell you a little secret, Vipin Kumar's real name is Vipin Khan! Such is life's paradox.

Whatever has happened, has happened for good.
Whatever is happening, is happening for good.
Whatever is going to happen, it will be for good.
What have you lost for which you cry?
What did you bring with you, which you have lost?
What did you produce, which has destroyed?
You did not bring anything when you were born.
Whatever you have, you have received from Him.
Whatever you will give, you will give to Him.
You came empty handed and you will go the same way.

Whatever is yours today was somebody else's yesterday 

and will be somebody else's tomorrow.

SO WHY WORRY UNNECESSARILY?

Change is the law of the universe.

NOC

From the time I started this blog I have been listening a lot and watching people a lot. Seeing their reactions, striking a conversation with them and just communicate - a smile when needed. 

I was in my bank last week, as I received a letter from them saying that I had not operated my safe deposit box in a year and if i don't they would fine me! Strange that these conditions exist looking the contents of the safe deposit box, not that they know. It is no Swiss vault but a small deep box where I keep my 'precious' stuff towards the front edge or I would need to carry a torch to see what is in there deep, lest I forget.

While waiting, I was in good company of an elderly gentleman who was also waiting for some other work rather patiently. Filling out various forms and signing them and waiting... Boredom was something common we shared, waiting. He looked at me and smiled with slight uncertainty of a response. When I smiled back, he started his dismal story of his ordeal with government departments.  His wife died a couple of months back and he had just started to pick up pieces into his life alone. Their children settled abroad he had to deal with lot of paper work alone. His new journey had just begun! The fixed home phone was in his wife's name and he went to the telephone department to have it transferred in his name, the man across the counter was obviously apathetic to the plight of this old man. He asked to fill out a few forms. Waiting patiently, this septuagenarian thought that this was easy, with private phone companies offering phones and multi services  the government phone company would learn from competition. Lost in his thoughts he heard a voice and looked up at the Babu (synonym to a government officer) who was saying he needed an NOC (a No Objection Certificate). When asked from whom, he replied, from your wife!! He looked at him with shock and pointed at the death certificated he had attached. To which the Babu nodded and gave him a brief nod of dismissal! A fortnight later he receives a letter from this phone department and what does it say? 

"Congratulations, your phone will be transferred in your name successfully and the same information has been sent to your wife, if we do not hear from her in 30 days, it will be done automatically."

No guesses for the fact that this gentleman did not contact the phone department to correct the error!!

Then he related another incident which depicts the deep malaise in the dealings of public servants. He is a member of their housing society where he lives and was invited by the local Police station to see if the senior citizens are safe and verification drive for servants employed by them was taken seriously. Touched by the concern they visited the Police Station and waited for the Additional Commissioner of Police in his room. It was a very hot summer afternoon and with the fan whining the resident representatives were sweating it out. The ACP was polite and raised concerns which needed to be addressed and called his aides to make notes. A junior officer walked in with a tray of cold water, relieved the resident representatives looked expectantly with parched throats. To their horror the water was offered to the ACP and his aides only. The surprising part was that none of these police officers noticed the lack of hospitality and drank their water. A lady from the residents group could not tolerate this insensitivity on the part of the Police Department and blurted out that this was not right!! The silver lining was that the ACP was embarrassed enough to get them all cokes and Fantas in the end!

Our wait at the bank was over and before I stood this gentleman recited a couplet by Milton's Paradise Lost.  

Oh Conscience, into what abyss of fears

And horrors hast thou driven me; out of which

I find no way, from deep to deeper plunged!  

I wish I had asked his name.

Lost in Translation?

English is such a popular language, almost everyone from my maid to the auto fellow understand and speak with a sprinkling of words in their conversation. It is fun to hear some words mispronounced, used in a different connotation or just to be accepted in a conversation.

Let me begin with my maid, she is a woman no one messes with, she can take on 10 people half her age and get her job done, may it be at municipality or medical dispensary or the market. She has come a long way, educating her children and with great pride she claims that everyone of her five children can read and write English well. The other day she wanted a recommendation for her daughter who was called for an interview for a job. I helped her daughter make her resume and gave her a few prints and wished her all the best and told her I would see if I knew someone who would consider my recommendation! Next morning my maid came in, smiling from ear to ear. I knew there was good news and before I could ask she thanked me for helping her daughter in making her 'Tata bye bye' presentable. I asked her what she meant - so the recommendation worked? or they were impressed by her certificates. Then it finally dawned to me, that what she meant was Biodata! Phew!! That was tough. Now I can figure this quaint jumble and understand what she is trying to say.

There are a few people I know who want to speak the language to show off. Years ago, when I was expecting my first child, I got advise from all my neighbours, about what to eat, what not to eat, what to do and what not to do, frankly I could write a book today, just based on the advise of my concerned neighbours. One of them, a middle aged woman walked in one day and inspected my refrigerator and said, you know you should start eating more garbage to avoid constipation which is not a god thing in pregnancy. I nodded and caught on to what she wanted to say, which was - roughage or more fiber in my diet!! Later we became good friends and I took valuable advice from her. She would also come and take my opinion matters of shopping and what party wear would look good. One day, she walked in wearing a lovely but over-the-top kind of a saree. She looked at my expression and asked, am I looking too prompt?? This was classic and it was not easy for me, but I said she looked good. She went on to the party, more confident than happy!!

One more before I sign off. I went to a boutique to bye some outfits, and the owner is well known to me and very accommodating to me. Her daughter walked in while I was there. A sweet teenager who started chatting with me. I asked her what she wanted to do after school. Her mother quickly replied that her daughter likes a laid back life, and she has decided to become an English Professor in one of the elite girls college in Delhi. She would have to work half day and dreams of traveling in a 'lemonise' with a driver and have a good time! That's life!! I got it - the lemonise was meant to be understood as a Limousine!
What a lemon!!