Rocky

I wish I had changed his name for this post, but it would not do justice to his personality. I pray he never has access to this blog. Thank God he does not have a computer or a smart phone. His claim to how technologically savvy he is, is the extent of his expertise of sending sms(s) (short message service) to everyone in his address book. 

Saif Ali Khan

He is a cousin. An advisory: never call him (or call on him) after 8pm. He is very fond of his evening drink and many times his tongue looses its elasticity to reveal his boisterous personality. He may never remember what conversation he may have had with you when you talk to him in the morning, but he will always admit that he was perfectly sober and you may believe him too! He hallucinates that he has this affect on women and feels that he is heaven’s gift to womankind. No doubt, he is very articulate and polished in his demeanor but his entire Don Juan persona is somewhat self-obsessive. It all started when my mother-in-law, who is very fond of him, said he resembles and speaks like Saif Ali Khan (a leading Bollywood actor, who is known for his immaculate dressing sense and his royal lineage). Rocky started grooming himself and lives in this fantasy of an extra ordinary life of great adulation from women. This fantasy only comes into existence after 8pm! Otherwise, Rocky is a very content man with practical dreams and reachable goals. We are amazed at the simplicity of his dreams with great wonderment.  He is a short bald man in his fifties (No, certainly not like Danny de Vito, who I simply adore) and is very vain.  We have heard that he was a very good-looking boy in his 20s, and 30s. With lot of twists and turns in life, and an attitude of had-all-that-done-that-and-been-there, now he feels it was all a distant dream. He lost out on his marriage, his business that failed and brought him to near penury. Today, he lives with a hope of a miracle to turn his life around and start afresh. We are quite fond of him and try to help him out from time to time. Never admitting his loneliness, he is still married but lives separately more as ‘friends’ with his wife, he tries to have a good time. It is a strange relationship with his wife, because he is still the handyman around her house and babysits her dogs when she is on holidays. She is a very pretty 0-sized zombie faced woman and gets along with everyone except her unfortunate husband. She is quite a head turner, like a ramp walker (stone faced and angry), but Rocky is quite indifferent and stays clear of any conversations about her. He has his moments too; he is a member of a very coveted club in the city – ‘Jannat’ (heaven – a pseudonym coined by Rocky). Membership for this club has a 50-year waiting period! He takes us to Jannat once in a while to return a favor or just to simply show off. This is no doubt a very exclusive club, with a gym, sauna, tennis courts and great New Year and x’mas bashes. But, Rocky’s fellow members are all senior retired government and army officers. He says he does a lot of ‘bird-watching’ there and hopes to find his soul mate someday. That is the extent of his social calendar. But we wonder if that is possible among the sexagenarians and septuagenarians members! His current girlfriends are two 50-year-old pentagenarian (or quintegenarian) women. They tag along with him at most family functions much to the embarrassment of the family.

He is unabashed about his lifestyle and his joie de vivre. Well, I guess that’s what keeps his sanity! We wish him well and hope he finds his happiness and the woman of his dreams at the end of the rainbow.