Miss Call

Mobile phones are a necessity for everyone nowadays. My maids, milkman, Dhobi, every street vendor selling peanuts or vegetable feel so empowered to own a mobile phone today. For a long time I resisted getting a mobile myself until my kids prevailed on me hoping I would lend it to them to show off to their friends. That was 15 years back!  I cherish my childhood where there were no mobile phones and having a landline was also a great luxury. Our parents had no way to track us when we went out to play or sneaked out to the nearby roadside seller to buy the forbidden street foods!!  Today the mobile may seem like a formidable enemy for our children! Keeping track has never been so easy, though my son would say there are kids who find loopholes in this disadvantage to

Miss Call! This is so typical of India! I guess we all are so familiar with this most irritating phrase, which really makes me laugh or cry sometimes. I met my kabariwallah (junk buyer) the other day and wanted him to pay a visit to my house to pick up the junk I wanted to get rid off before Diwali, making way for Lakshmi to enter. He grinned and said, “miss call maar dena”. I am sure you would agree with me, which our American or British friends would have really wondered what he was talking about! I mean American-American and British- British, not Indian born Americans or British. My kabariwallah was trying to do his customer a great favour, which means I do not need to call him but just buzz him so that he would call me back and spend the money on the call. A collect call in a way! Customer is king and long live missed calls!

There are more dimensions to this that I suddenly discovered. Some bosses, bureaucrats, and many VIPs do want to feel that way by giving you a missed call and then wait for you to call. It is very intriguing to put any logic to this. Is this a cultural thing or only particular to us Indians?

I love my India!

 Don't miss the Khara Chicken on the extreme left of the board (it is literally standing!), on our way to Dehradun from Delhi

These are dancers at a fair, it takes them hours to have the bodies painted! This dance marks the harvest festival of Onam

 

Busy painters!!

What is in a name?

When a child is born, it is the most important moment in every parent’s life. Sometimes, in excitement parents sometimes go overboard and give very strange, weird and funny names to their children and they have to live with it for the rest of their lives!

There is a shop in our small town and it has this name: Jharu Mal Kura Chand & sons. For those who may not know the meaning of these names, Jharu is a broom and Kura is garbage, while Mal and Chand are just suffixes to these names. Having lived in a home with gardens, my family often hired gardeners to tend to the heavy work around the garden. I saw that many, or almost all of these gardeners had very strange names –for instance one was called Mata Badal (change your mom, yes I am serious, that’s what it means!), Baskari- this is an interesting one-it seems that this man’s mom had a baby almost each year, totaling to over a dozen, so her mother- in- law said, “it’s enough!” – meaning Bas Kari, so that was the name of this poor man. Another name is Peration, it is so bizarre that this name came about because she was born out of a cesarean section, so operation became Peration! In villages child mortality was very high so names given were such that no one cast an evil eyes on them so names like Chor – thief, Bhootra-ghostly, came about.

Then there are names very popular in the northern part of India, Lucky, Lovely, Prince. Believe me, they are all real people – Lucky is our very favourite driver who takes us around and has an burning desire to learn English and go to Canada (pronounced as Ken ae da). Lovely is another taxi stand owner where Lucky works, and Prince is another strapping young man who is the son of our car Mechanic – Kitty, (yes, a funny name too!). He has major aspirations to go to
Ken ae da. There are more such unbelievable names like – Dolly, Sweety, Baby, Baba, Pinky and so many more.

Now there are a few friends who really want to embarrass their kids with names like Ripon- after the Governor General and Viceroy of India – and this is the young girl’s name! Another friend has named his daughter - India, we all have realized that he is a great patriot but to name a child with the name of your country is taking it too far!!  One more name – Generail Singh, parents who wanted their son to become a General in the army!

There are very funny dog names as well. I think it does deserve another post. So look out for these strange names and mail some really unlikely ones soon.

Where have all the flowers gone?

I often wonder, where the soulful songs of Neil Diamond, Paul Anka, Cliff Richards, Abba and so many more, have gone. With the rise of rock stars like Lady Gaga, Eminem and their likes, where is music heading to? What is in this music that draws youngsters towards them, if you hear the lyrics – it is like any other adult movie, with four letter words, swear words and drugs. This is the new age! They even release a censored version for public broadcast! I often ask my younger son, who is a very accomplished piano and guitar player, what he enjoys in such kind of music, he says, mom you will never understand.

Our childhoods were stress free with almost no pressures, no Tiger Moms, no examination phobia, and NO IPODS, COMPUTERS, no 200 CHANNELS TV and NO GADGETS,  no MALLS or MULTIPLEXES! There was no competition to keep up with the joneses!! It was a very simple life. We went out for picnics, sometimes watched movies in theaters and watched whatever was one the one channel on TV, which was only aired from 6pm to 10pm. Just half an hour a day from 8pm to 8:30pm. My children today do not believe it. I came across a facebook post lately, which is so true:

The last SANE generation! - We are the last sane generation that learnt to play in the street, we are the first who've played video games, seen cartoons in color and went to amusement parks. - We were the last to record songs of the radio on cassettes and we are the pioneers of walk-mans and chat rooms... ...We Learned how to program the VCR before anyone else, play with the Atari,.................. Super Nintendo and believed that the Internet would be a free world. - We are the generation of the Thunder Cats, Scooby Doo, Tom And Jerry, Jungle Book, Popeye, G.I. JOE. Traveled in cars without seat belts or air-bags - lived without cell phones. Rode our bicycles down the road without brakes. We never had phone but still kept in touch. We did not have Play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers and the Internet, ...but nevertheless we had a GREAT
Time !!! ...

To add to this we lived without air-conditioning, power cuts or no power cuts at the peak of summer, no invertors too! We were happy. Today homes come with all these necessities, which are no more luxuries. I guess we have moved with times, and try to give our children everything they demand and live in a fear of competition. Kids spend enormous amount of money to celebrate their birthdays at malls and restaurants unlike our times where birthdays were more like a family affair with cakes and snacks. Today we have theme parties for even toddlers!

I guess, kids today have too much of stress – to score over 95% in school, admission stress and so they kind of identify with music which is so stressful for us to listen to for us! Do they feel relaxed or simply want to forget the pressures around them find solace in stress itself?

I wonder if it is possible to give our children the childhood we had! Sigh!

Do Not Disturb!

With the DND (do not disturb) age we can restrict unwanted calls and sms (s) that prey on your privacy and disturb you at odd times. But some of them are fun to read and somehow I hate to admit but I miss them a wee bit.

I am sure you must be getting such unsolicited emails from Nigerian scamsters and British lotteries. Of course many more not worth mentioning here. For instance, a couple of months back, one of my cousins, sent me a mail recommending a particular brand of Viagra and describing how good it was, we knew that someone had crept into his account and played mischief. Later he sent us all (people in his address book) that his email account had been hacked and mails were sent out without his knowledge. But you can imagine his embarrassment! One needs to be always very vigilant and careful. I am sure many of you must have read the article on the dumbest passwords people have like 123456, ABC123, or 987654. So be careful and have a cryptic one but do not forget it. Never let your computer remember it for you even if it offers to do so!  

The other day I read a news article where a man was duped of Rs. 200,000 for an inheritance a random prince wanting to share, as his dad- the king, whose kingdom was overthrown in a coup had died with a secret stash which needed to be legitimized by involving a 3^rd person however random. How bizarre!! I fail to understand why anyone would like to believe this, leave alone deposit some money in a questionable account to authenticate his existence! I believe that we always receive what we deserve. May it be good fortune, money or happiness. This kind of allurement should always be questioned with a lot of caution. At the end of the day these things prey on the greed of a person.  

Yesterday I received an sms (unsolicited, of course), which said:

Imprtnt msg Frm Delhi police….
For next few days don’t drink any prodct from Pepsi compny like Pepsi, Tropicana juice, Slice. 7up etc, as a worker from the compny contaminated wit AIDS…Watch NDTV..
Pl 4wrd ds to evry1 u care 4..
plz.

What do you make out of this? My son asked me- did the Coca-Cola company pay for this? My mom also received this sms and it frightened the wits out of her. She asked me to be careful and not ask the kids to take any soft drink. Here they are preying on your fears. Some time back I received an sms warning us to be careful about going to a particular movie as some seats had needles sticking out and if you sit unknowingly the needle would contaminate you with the deadly virus. How sick can people be, sometimes I wonder, who is actually paying for this?  Can the police help out, if they have some time from protecting politicians being slapped!!

Twisted!

When we were in Trinidad this August for a wedding I twisted my leg and had a meniscus tear on my left knee. It did sound somewhat complicated with a good ring to it apart from the hindrance of the pain and the limp. I was also disappointed that I could not wear my high heels, which I had bought for my holiday and had to carry the weight around our entire trip of 40 days. But it had a lot of advantages – from reserved seats to preferential treatment at the airport. Even back home I loved the attention I got from people on the streets, and shopkeepers who readily offer me a seat, all because I was wearing a knee brace! Autorickshaws would stop with just a signal of my finger, I couldn’t believe it!

My doctor said that it would take a minimum of at least twelve weeks to heal and I would have to be very patient, go for physiotherapy, exercise and take- god knows how many supplements – in the process I do not know of my knee but my skin and hair are getting better! Of course I do not want to talk about my weight, which is also getting better, as I never want to get on the weighing machine!

When I was going for my physiotherapy, my friendly neighborhood auto stopped, eagerly wanting to ferry me for my physio. To my pleasure Rasheed offered to wait and bring me back too! What a stroke of good luck! It has been a habit for a while, I have been asking the names of the auto drivers who take me just to give it a more humane aspect and interact with them not as hired faceless drivers but as real people. So, Rasheed asked me why I spend so much of money every other day to just take some heat treatment, I could do it at home with a hot water bottle. Well, I told him I have to get ultrasonic massage and therapy as well, to which he did not seem too happy and offered a home remedy with a guarantee to heal in 7 days. Here it goes, do try at your on risk as I have not had the courage to try it!!

Mustard oil – ½ cup
Black daal – 2 tbsps
Garlic Juice – 2 tbsps
Black pepper – 10 to 15
Ajwain – 1 tbsp
Ginger juice – 2 tbsps

Boil all of them together and strain them and store in a clean bottle. Every night massage a few drops on your knee and sleep, without washing.

I realized when I would get up in the morning; the stench I would be emanating would make my husband abandon our bedroom and me! Leave alone the fact that I would have to live with a permanent perfume of smells from a Chinese-mughlai takeaway. Regardless to say the ginger- garlic -mustard oil would be my signature perfume like celebrities lending their names to various brands, I would be part of that exclusive club!

I hastily retreated and thanked Rasheed and pray that I do not meet him soon enough for him to ask if his treatment worked! But on a more reassuring note, I am much better and hope to wear my heels soon! But thanks Rasheed, for your deep concern and I am sure it would have worked if I had the nerve to at least try it for 7 days!

Rocky

I wish I had changed his name for this post, but it would not do justice to his personality. I pray he never has access to this blog. Thank God he does not have a computer or a smart phone. His claim to how technologically savvy he is, is the extent of his expertise of sending sms(s) (short message service) to everyone in his address book. 

Saif Ali Khan

He is a cousin. An advisory: never call him (or call on him) after 8pm. He is very fond of his evening drink and many times his tongue looses its elasticity to reveal his boisterous personality. He may never remember what conversation he may have had with you when you talk to him in the morning, but he will always admit that he was perfectly sober and you may believe him too! He hallucinates that he has this affect on women and feels that he is heaven’s gift to womankind. No doubt, he is very articulate and polished in his demeanor but his entire Don Juan persona is somewhat self-obsessive. It all started when my mother-in-law, who is very fond of him, said he resembles and speaks like Saif Ali Khan (a leading Bollywood actor, who is known for his immaculate dressing sense and his royal lineage). Rocky started grooming himself and lives in this fantasy of an extra ordinary life of great adulation from women. This fantasy only comes into existence after 8pm! Otherwise, Rocky is a very content man with practical dreams and reachable goals. We are amazed at the simplicity of his dreams with great wonderment.  He is a short bald man in his fifties (No, certainly not like Danny de Vito, who I simply adore) and is very vain.  We have heard that he was a very good-looking boy in his 20s, and 30s. With lot of twists and turns in life, and an attitude of had-all-that-done-that-and-been-there, now he feels it was all a distant dream. He lost out on his marriage, his business that failed and brought him to near penury. Today, he lives with a hope of a miracle to turn his life around and start afresh. We are quite fond of him and try to help him out from time to time. Never admitting his loneliness, he is still married but lives separately more as ‘friends’ with his wife, he tries to have a good time. It is a strange relationship with his wife, because he is still the handyman around her house and babysits her dogs when she is on holidays. She is a very pretty 0-sized zombie faced woman and gets along with everyone except her unfortunate husband. She is quite a head turner, like a ramp walker (stone faced and angry), but Rocky is quite indifferent and stays clear of any conversations about her. He has his moments too; he is a member of a very coveted club in the city – ‘Jannat’ (heaven – a pseudonym coined by Rocky). Membership for this club has a 50-year waiting period! He takes us to Jannat once in a while to return a favor or just to simply show off. This is no doubt a very exclusive club, with a gym, sauna, tennis courts and great New Year and x’mas bashes. But, Rocky’s fellow members are all senior retired government and army officers. He says he does a lot of ‘bird-watching’ there and hopes to find his soul mate someday. That is the extent of his social calendar. But we wonder if that is possible among the sexagenarians and septuagenarians members! His current girlfriends are two 50-year-old pentagenarian (or quintegenarian) women. They tag along with him at most family functions much to the embarrassment of the family.

He is unabashed about his lifestyle and his joie de vivre. Well, I guess that’s what keeps his sanity! We wish him well and hope he finds his happiness and the woman of his dreams at the end of the rainbow.

Urban Karma

In the course of my numerous journeys in and around Delhi I have taken a lot of rides with so many different auto drivers with an assortment of personality types. Understanding these personalities is like a key to unlocking elusive human qualities. Often friends and family tell me that I am a good listener, so people just want to talk to me and I like to listen to them. Sometimes I empathize with them and try to understand what façade they want to hide behind.

Late one evening, my eldest son and I were traveling by an auto. We were eager to get home after a marathon-shopping spree. The auto driver did not seem to be in any hurry at all. We goaded him to hurry up; doesn’t he have to get home? He started his long story of his unenviable life and predicament at home. He said he never wants to go home. His wife ill-treated him and he was torn between his love for his daughter and decision to leave his wife. He said that his wife was a devil incarnate and even bet him up. He does not get food and many times has to go hungry or eat out. He said he had resigned to this fate. We did not know what to say to this guy, but my son, being very responsive to people’s desperations, prodded him to share his world with us. With this encouragement, the auto driver asked us what he should do in this situation and why all this is happening to him as he is a very peace loving person with lot of compassion for everyone. To my surprise, my worldly-wise son replied that it is all our Karma. We reap what we sow; many times we may be unaware of our actions, which would eventually manifest in our own lives. We should always look inwards. I was surprised at this young boy talking about karma and actions; he went on to say to the auto driver that he should try to talk to his wife and find the reason for this acrimony. It happens often we drown in our sufferings and problems and fail to see the other person’s point of view. Shouldn’t he take his wife out for a movie or an outing? The dreary existence of everyday life and the monotony of the same routine would lead to such irrational aggression. The auto driver was quiet for the rest of the remaining journey. Was he introspecting or was he dissatisfied that we had not also gone along trying to add more fuel to his discontent. Finally when he dropped us he thanked us for listening. Somewhere in his voice I felt he saw his failings. I hope, somewhere it rang the bell and he would take charge of his life and happiness. To meet someone who would share with us his innermost emotions with a hope to find a random solution was very heartening.  

Listening to my son giving practical advise to someone so random lifted my spirits giving me hope that this generation is not indifferent to people’s emotions and problems as much as we would like to believe. 

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.  ~Wayne Dyer

 

Babloo

Have you watched the T V program Simpsons? Especially, the character - Homer Simpson? He is not one of my favourite characters. But somehow I relate him to a young man who works for us at the office – let’s call him Babloo.  I could have given him his own name here, but just incase he reads this post or stumbles upon this blog, which is highly unlikely or not likely in every remotest way possible. 

Babloo is a man with a very versatile personality and different facets to his character, much unlike Homer, but loves talking, (about himself) and tells us stories, which may seem preposterous but sound so real. He claims that he is capable of doing any kind of work you ask him – from cooking to making a project report for a non profit organization which would use public money for public services like a hospital or a school or an old people’s home. (This has been his dream lately). He claims to be an Ayurveda doctor as well! He has studied till 12^th grade but his native intelligence is impressive. He is a very short man, not more that 5 feet 3 inches but stands tall in everyway and likes to believe it as well. We wish him well and hope that the bubble he lives in does not ever burst. He dresses up like he is in the senior management of the company. Effusing an air of great importance around himself, he wears crisp ironed shirts, properly creased trousers, polished shoes everyday to office.

But, Babloo shaves once in a month!! This was strange as it gives him quite an unkempt look and in the summer months it looks quite uncomfortable for him as well. Though this is a very personal thing about having a beard or a mustache, but we asked him why he chooses to shave it off every month and not every day, it may be a religious thing or some vow he had made to the gods! He looked at us and smiled with a very vain look. Oh no!! I thought, there he goes again, with one of his stories.  He travels by the bus and the metro to reach the office everyday and many times (actually all the times) he is late. He told us that he has a very captivating smile and overpowering good looks, and he will reveal to us today, the reason why he is late to office everyday and also why he shaves once a month. What a strange mix of reasons!! Full of narcissistic oomph he told us that he is irresistible to women and they get distracted when they look at him and he has to camouflage his Adonis face to keep away from them. He said, women want to strike a conversation with him, with an excuse of asking him the time, or which is the next stop the bus or metro might make. Some women also elbow him and some try to gently push him to make way even if there is another way to the seat!  This was getting so interesting, I could not believe I had hit payload here!! So much of masala! I encouraged him to go on, much to the disgust of my family. You should have seen their faces… With encouragement from me, he went on – he told me that his landlady who is 50 years old is so smitten by him that she waits by the window like a lovelorn puppy and invites him to have coffee with her every evening when he returns from work. (He thinks coffee drinkers are higher up on the ladder and is developing a taste for instant coffee!). He lives on the first floor and the landlady on the ground floor, and most of the time he obliges and has coffee with her.

I wondered how his wife reacts to all this adulation and attention her husband gets. He smiled and paused with a pregnant pause, and then answered, she knows and is happy that she is lucky to be married to him. She knows what effect he has on women and has resigned to her fate of this kind of attention her better half receives! He also claims to get SMSs on his mobile from many women who want to know how he is or plainly simply hi! Does he reply to them – yes sometimes and he smiled.

I thought – was this a defense mechanism or merely an illusion? I think both. To create this make believe world and become a hero and to perceive everyone’s behaviour to compliment your existence is admirable. A man with very average looks, who you and I would not give a second glance, to live in this bliss is an amazing triumph over an illusion of the ‘mirror mirror on the wall’ syndrome and chutzpah for living life on your own terms!

Look out for more stories from Babloo’s life…

Kaali Billi

My son usually takes the public transport to go around Delhi. Some or almost all his ‘excursions’ are somewhat interesting which he narrates when he comes back home. I quite look forward to all these experiences and look forward to our rides in these famous autos of Delhi.

Here goes one of them. He was riding a short distance of about 5 kilometers to Greater Kailash and came across this auto driver with a lot of pictures of gods and goddesses on his dashboard. He had a garland over one of the idols right in the center of the windscreen, which sometimes blocked his vision. But this ‘god fearing’ driver was very confident and nosed around the heavy traffic quite fearlessly. Then suddenly, my son noticed that he came to a sudden halt on the middle of the road. There was no traffic on this late summer afternoon at 4’o clock so what could it be? My son tapped this driver’s shoulder only to later notice that there were several vehicles all waiting for an invisible red light!! Very curious, my son asked what was the reason as he was getting late for his class. This driver said that a Kaali Billi (black cat) had crossed the path and it is a bad omen to cross over to the other side till someone else had passed it first!! My son could not believe his eyes, a line of assorted vehicles behind him also were waiting for someone to cross first causing a near traffic jam! After nearly 15 minutes, they saw a car approaching and hoped with bated breath that he wouldn’t stop as well. The car driver curiously drove past unwittingly to the strange happenings of this omen. He could hear everyone heave a loud sigh of relief and carried on with their respective journeys.

Folklore - Black cat crossing your path
One of the most popular and oldest beliefs, this one is attributed to various sources. One version goes that black cats forebode doom; another goes that black cats are demons in disguise; and yet another goes that they were once pets of witches that turned into witches and hence they are witches in disguise.
Contrary to worldwide beliefs about the black cat, the Japanese consider a black cat lucky.
So the next time you see a black cat you decide whether you want turn back or walk ahead.

Matrimonial – Groom Wanted

PQSM4 26 year old girl. Wheatish complexion, nurse in semi govt hosp, looking 4 match in para med services. Caste no bar. 

My house help Ramwati has been after me to place in an advertisement on the computer (read internet) for her daughter - a very bright young girl who fought her way to study nursing after I encouraged her to do a primary course at DCWA (Delhi Commonwealth Women’s Association). Later she went on to do a full-fledged diploma in nursing at SOS village nursing school. Ramwati has been encouraging her daughter to find a match for herself, now that she is almost half a doctor to find a good Doctor for herself, in her work place. I am pleasantly surprised at the aspiration level of this mother who has a BPL (below poverty line) card and struggles to save every penny for her 2 daughters’ weddings. I have posted her profile in a few matrimonial websites and hope to get a response, which I can pass on, to her for further enquiry.

I do not know how successful these posts work for a person. When I made a few random searches I became very vary to the point of curiosity to explore more into this virtual world of finding a perfect match for her. Below are some very funny posts I encountered during my explorations for a good match for her.

My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT 

I want very simple girl from Brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework 

27 yrs, 5ft 9in - 175cm, Hindu
Education : Management MBA/BBA/
Occupation : Business Person
I AM VERY JOVIAL TO BEHAVE AND ADMIRE EVERY ONE…i am normal person .i need noemal partner... 

Curiosity pushed me to read the Sunday matrimonials which had weird abbreviations like:

PQSM 4 a gori girl.

I’less incnt div.

H’some MGLK boy SM 4 a slim grl

SNDYBR SM  NM Veg 27/4Lpa MBA

NM PB Sr Br SM wrkng in NCR. Caste no bar

SM4 4 RGH Sikh grl

V H’some Divcee – teetotaler, issueless well settled Doc. 35y

I am trying to figure what they mean, some look more complicated than a Morse code and I would like to seek some insight into these nagging abbreviations and hope to sleep better. To give you a clue I did figure out what PQSM 4 meant: Professionally Qualified Seeking Match for…. !!! and I’less incnt div means: Issueless innocent divorcee ( whatever that means! Don’t ask me!!)

Believe me it is a treasure trove to dig in and have a KBC moment trying to figure out all this. The reason for these cryptic abbreviations may be due to how expensive these ads have become. For a novice it would be a good business idea to come up with a dictionary of all these short sms type phrases and words to make things easier. What do you say?

Welcome !!

We are like this only!

Jugaad, Politics and Autorickshaw rides

Hi! Welcome to my blog! I have been living in this beautiful city for almost 25years and had so many tales to tell. If I keep any more in my head it will burst! I want to share these anecdotes, incidents that would, at times, make you laugh, angry, empathize, or simply make you smile and identify with. I have been toying with this idea for a long time and before my old foggy head starts to shred them into a black hole of nothingness, I better write about them and laugh, get angry, empathize, or simply smile and be happy to hope someone is reading them too!!

This blog would be full of experiences both mine and yours. I would write about my autorickshaw rides, matchmakers, the great Indian marriage, my favourite places and more….